It's Good Enough

I attended a training seminar in my "tent-making" field of business a few weeks ago. During the training, the presenter challenged the attendees in regards to what I'll call "perfection anxiety." Basically, sometimes, we are slow to complete something (if we complete it at all), because we are afraid it will not be good enough or consistent with our own (unrealistic) expectations of ourselves. Ouch.

Here's a little (trivial) honesty about me, I'm slow to blog (i.e. put my personal reflections, questions, aspirations, etc); primarily because, I'm afraid that what I post will not be "good enough." In other words, if I can't post an all-encompassing, well-developed graduate school thesis, then I'd rather not post at all. Consequently, I've started many a post that was never finished, or I haven't started many a post that really could have been helpful to me and others if I would've actually put it into print (or on a screen). Nevertheless, I've forgotten how much I enjoy writing, and how helpful it can be for me.

On the surface, such a phobia seems inconsequential. However, what hit me during the training was the possibility that my writing fears are symptoms of deeper issues and forces going on inside me. In other words, what am I really afraid of? ...and the answer is...

Well, in reality, it's more complex than simple, and there are probably (at least) two facets to it. First, as I mentioned above, I've created a standard that, when it comes down to it, cannot be achieved. As the piercing Smashing Pumpkins chorus screams, "In spite of my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." For me, I've created the cage (complete with a cute ferris wheel to nowhere), and zapped myself of the exploration possibilities in the wide open spaces in the process.

Second, and of course along with the first, I allow myself to be held hostage by my (unfounded) perceptions of how others may receive my reflections. In the end, honestly, it's selfish. It's rooting my worth, identity, and abilities in the subjectivity of performance. Wait a second: it's not (only) selfish. It's idolatry. Why am I like this? Good question.

*Are you like this with or about anything?

*How do you deal with it?

*What changes still need to occur?

*Who is helping?

Peace,
Chris
about.me/chrischappotin
twitter.com/dfwchris